Anxiety PTSD Insomnia

Reinventing yourself : Their are many different ways to reinvent yourself and cope with life One of them is dealing with feelings vs being numb. Numb is not wanting to feel things or deal with the chaos going on the triggers so you block it out you numb yourself so you don't have to feel. ( resting b face lol ) etc. It take on so many expressions depending on who you are and what's going on. Feelings can change depends on what's going on . feeling are annoying to cope with yes you can know what your feeling but not how to deal with it healthy or unhealthy a lot of times its easier not to deal with it but it makes it difficult for everyone around you . so to avoid both I reinvent myself by hobbies , decor organization basically what I can control so I don't feel out of sorts!

Right now anxiety is flooding my veins, most is good , some is bad , the rest is just infuriating. The good is amazing just annoyed I have to be patient which is not my strong suit. The bad is kicking my butt and making me exhausted and tired. The infuriating is making me feel guilty and horrible about myself. Anxiety is up and down and when its constant it sucks. When you have a difficult time turning it off your head spins all the time. You feel like you're drowning and there is no release good or bad you just have to wait it out deal with it everyday and just seem ok. Its an everyday struggle . its an everyday struggle so yes I get everything done I need to . I push myself and it just doesn't seem good enough . when it doesn't get done or everything piles up and I'm to blame. Its infuriating frustrating yet I do this to myself everyday anxiety is a vicious cycle.

I decided I need to look and reevaluate myself. It gets difficult but its something worth doing at least once a year to check your progress. I started journaling again A lot is going on and I think stress maybe getting to me. So I decided why not journal and see if its still worth it or what may need to change. So we shall see where this journey takes me I'm still trying not to make mistakes and not let things get in the way. Hopefully this journey helps me accomplish my goals.

https://www.facebook.com/206650299403798/posts/1865838806818264/

Ok so we all have them. These lil annoyances that just are irritating. Such as being told : " you just need to let it go" Or " its part of being together" or " I really care about you but this will make you happy." " if you just learned then they will know when they have gone too far." " unless this happens..... Then its not that bad ..... They are just ...."   Well here's the thing when is enough , enough ? Listen to these long enough and you tell yourself them too. Its a vicious cycle. One hard to stop .... Why ? 1. Ppl think you're overreacting 2. Its not that bad you've been through worse so you should just deal with it. 3. Women vs men ( we as women just need to deal and get over it cuz guys well they are just wired differently, or they didn't know they were hurting us so its ok. Or were married or in a relationship and have kids and should be doing what's best for them) 4. Others know we struggle but we s...

So I just don't have the strength to pick up the pieces. But after 2 days I have decided I need to. So yes I may be putting up a wall but I am picking up the pieces and becoming strong again. My kids are my why. They need a strong mom who is going to be there for them. No more self pity for me. Just because I'm not sure what's going to happen doesn't mean I can't move forward. So I choose to move forward and it will get better one day at a time. This is I am strong and Independant and figure it out. Always have and always will. I'm gonna continue to make my dreams come true. I got this.

ARGUMENTS: well I have been trying to do a lot better lately. And my hubby and I have had our fair share of disagreements lately. Well there was a big one recently due to an accident. There was a lot said and I got hurt and it ticked me off. Im still mad about it . But basically one of the things said that I NEED TO GET MY **** TOGETHER! Well that ticked me off. I get it but then it seems to all go back to my anxiety etc and it sucks. For every step I seem to take forward every once in a while I seem to take a few steps back. I've said it myself too but I do think I have it together. And anxiety isn't always the reason I do things. But it seems like once ppl know you have something whether it be anxiety , pts, bipolar, depression that any decision or choice according to other is cuz of that and its ridiculous cuz its like you're not a reg person any more.