Starting Battle with Anxiety

How my battle with anxiety started.... 

 I was born premature and weighed 1lb 9 oz. My mom was told I was a miscarriage, I made it but against all odds. I was in the hospital till I could go home on oxygen. I had needles etc in me keeping me alive till I could make it on my own. I had to fight to survive and I did. 

 I had to fight as I got older because my mother was in an abusive marriage and was abusive herself so I fought and that is where the situational anxiety started. Then my parents later divorced and both remarried all while I pre teen and in my teens so once again abuse and the situational anxiety. I left when I was still in my teen years and had to go back as no one would help. I am the oldest so had to be an example and grow up at a young age. But I did what I could to protect my siblings. 

Both my parents divorced the ppl they married while I was in my teens. So I dealt with a psychopathic father and a mother who dealt with a lot and was a single mom, so more situational anxiety. I left after I graduated high school, so I could live my life and be away from that. Well anxiety was controlled as I was out of that situation. I still had contact because of my siblings. 

Then I moved back for a little bit and situational anxiety again. Went out of state to pursue my life and a lot happened. Came back and was in the situation again then left for school and was engaged and came back and got married. 

 Then I struggled with getting pregnant but my sweet hubby loved me through it all. Then I got pregnant finally and after having my first child. BOOM , no longer situational anxiety it was full fledged anxiety. And the day that I was diagnosed with it and put on meds everything changed and I had to learn how to deal with it. I talked myself into believing that it was only situational and I didn't have it. 

 I talked myself into a lot of things that is how I dealt with it at the time as a new mom. My poor husband didn't know what to do , there were times that he didn't want to come home. I put him through Hell to put it mildly. Finally I told him.... I explained best I could and what would help. I cried a lot. 

I got pregnant with my second child and I love my kids but I didn't want them to think I was a failure because I struggle with anxiety. I want my kids to be proud of me. I want them to see the strength and know  I love them with all my heart and I show them that everyday. They are still young. But I am the best mom I can be with and I do my best to hide the anxiety. My hubby knows when its back and is helpful. I had to tell him that I did not want him to fix it I just wanted him to listen. 

Its been a long struggle and process to get to where I am today but at least I know how to deal with it mostly. For any one who is struggling.... If you take away any thing from this its that " You Are Not Alone", You can do this, It will take time. There is still so much you can do! There is not a cure for anxiety but there are many ways that you can cope with it.