Understanding , strength, love

This comes from the heart and has been on my mind quite a bit lately. If you come from a long line of abuse, if you don't come from a long line of abuse but find yourself in an abusive situation of any kind, if you're trying  to wrap your mind "how you let it happen, or get this far." " what's wrong with you ?" " how can any one love you?, or they must be the only person that does ." " No one will love you like they do or be there for you. " " or they are sorry and it will never happen again" " or you asked for it , or you make them angry or mad or make them do this and if you would just listen or get it through your head " .... " or if you take it, then your family or spouse or s/o or kids won't have to" and whatever you or others tell you then this is for you .
  Understanding abuse is difficult for the many people who go through it and it hard and difficult to understand how other people could be so cruel, why they don't care. Why we seem to let it ruin our confidence and perspective or outlook on almost anything. Then when people are around us that don't treat us that way then we don't understand what is how to tell them or how it could be so different and what's wrong with us otherwise. And for those who have never gone through it its difficult to comprehend it let alone not trigger the person who has been through and its like they are made to pay for the rest of the time we know them. Then there is the understand ing and comprehension of what we tell ourselves on a daily basis just to survive the horror , the rage , the feelings, the misguided torture. Then those that have never been through it can't imagine. And those of us that have never want to be considered a burden. Plus trying to break the cycle almost impossible when the affects of everything is dealt with for the rest of our life time just trying to make sense of it , protecting our selfs and our loved ones and friends and never letting go completely, never trusting, always waiting for the other shoe to drop when things are good etc.
  Once we figure that out and make the decision to move past it is when the real struggle begins and where more strength comes from. You see it takes immense strength to do what you have to survive and still find joy or wanting to be here after surviving abuse of any kind . once you have survived then it takes strength to move past it , let it go and try to heal so you can try and be happy and live a life again with out so much pretending. Plus allowing the ones close to you to be there and be strong for you in their own way but it can be done no matter how long it takes.
And last is love its takes enormous effort to break down the walls just to love yourself after all that , find your confidence and realize you deserve better. And if you are the ppl that love us unconditionally, then it takes huge strength and determine to just love us , be there and be our strength and recognizing that we do try and we still have bad days but we can face them with your help and love and support even if its for the rest of our lives. But once you do , then the healing can begin and you realize with each day you make decisions but you learn to trust yourself and love yourself , allow others to help you and you become STRONG, CONFIDENT etc again. You LOVE yourself and others can love you. You start healing and becoming happy , you can still take the steps to make sure you don't end up in that spot again. You heal, you trust and you can finally let go eventually and you can use it as a stepping stone to where you want to be.
  Now this isn't say you won't have bad days because you can , this isn't to say you won't be triggered because you still can be, this also isn't to say it won't happen again because it can( we can't control others actions though we would like to. Some ppl don't change. Sometimes its difficult to love the ppl who hurt us the most . abuse isn't always done by strangers. Once you been abused you could be an abuser yourself. Etc. ) my hope is if you've been abused in any way you talk to some one and get help and do what you can to not let it happen again. If you are a friend, spouse or s/o etc of some one who has been abused ( even if you have or haven't ) just love them unconditionally, be strong for them and just be there for them with no strings attached.
   Understanding , strength , love and healing can all come it just takes time whether it be little or a whole time it can happen . thank you to those who do love unconditionally and help us find strength.