Disection of trauma

When choices are made and we are put in situations that are uncomfortable , or in sticky situation through our own choices or choices of other.... We end up thinking or dissecting every choice or decision that got us there their so it doesn't happen again. Yet some how we end up there again, and again and again. Its a never ending cycle. The results may be different just a little every time but we still end up there.
   So we dissect and we try to not end up there yet it comes up and we can never truly heal even if we do truly heal we are left with the scars the memories the hurt and they never go away.
  We could be bettering our lives , and some thing said or incident in our lives will bring it all back up again. And we are left to deal with it. Or if we do talk about it , its we should be over it , ppl don't wanna hear it , ppl change give them a chance, don't talk about cuz others get uncomfortable, somehow it end up our fault , if we don't make these choices or those them it wouldn't have happened , we asked for it on some way. Its ok because we were in a relationship or friendship or we are overreacting etc. ( well all these things gets told to us and many more . things we also tell ourselves. Its completely ridiculous and it needs to be talked about more . ) the thing is men and women need to talk about it. Guys and girls need to talk about it. ( I'm going to talk to my kids about it so they know they will always have a place to go. And i will do something about it.) The shame and blame game needs to stop period.
  The dissecting of every choice is always at the back of our minds when ever we are in a situation and it ends up being too late.  Also we are told we are the lucky ones. Going through that doesn't make us lucky it makes us wish it never happened. And we struggle no matter how we deal with stuff like that we have scars from our whole life. ( trauma such as : abuse of any kind , rape , molestation , drugs , alcohol, etc ) it can lead to : anxiety , ptsd , bipolar , insomnia , a number of health issues etc . yet ppl think its all in our control well its not.