Emotional Break Downs

                                     Emotional Break Downs: 
What ppl do not realize is that when you have anxiety , depression, PTSD, bipolar or any other mental disorder, its physical too not just emotional or in your head but here is the head part.                                                                                                               
MY Story:
My first real emotional break down I was little and well I was molested and raped by some one close to me so I learned to hide my feelings because they didn't matter. So no one found out about what happened. I was then later kissed by a 16 yr old kid that lived with us. I was having to play sexual games with cousins cuz well everyone was curious. There is so much that happened that shaped who I am. But I was strong and I survived.                   My parents divorced and I finally told what happened to a counselor and my mom. well I ran out of the house after and went to a friends cuz my mom punched a hole in the wall. I thought I was in trouble. so I listened to what people told me about how it was my fault, how I was asking for it. How I knew it was wrong and let it happen. About how I should have stopped it. So in my head I cried but I didn't let any one see the tears. I dealt with it all the while still loving the people who hurt me. wondering why it was going on but nothing could be done.                                                                                                  After that I held everything in. I was told countless time after my feelings weren't the only ones that mattered and I needed to be there for others and help them get through all this crap. So that is what I did. well as I got older and I didn't want to handle it or could not any more I did some things I'm not proud of and I went down for a short time a path that was not good for me. that was my first emotional break down. I had others ones but I managed to take life in strides , I graduated high school and continued on with my life. 
My big emotional break down was when my family moved, I was figuring out what I would do next , I took public transport got turned around and had a panic attack. I went to the doctors and they told me it was not anxiety. So I just continued on. eventually I went to college got my associates, got married and had kids. It was after my first kid I found out I had full fledge anxiety and I had been dealing with it ever since. 
I have come to accept my anxiety, PTSD, and insomnia as a part of me , when you do it becomes easier to deal with. It still sucks cuz when I am emotional or having a bad day ppl think its one of these so its like i'm not entitled to a bad day any more like normal ppl. 
ALso you look at statistics just making sure you don't end up as one. then there is the labels. On top of that there is it emotional that manifests in physical and it can be debilitating and any little accomplishments that you accomplish everyday can become big feats. PPL that do not understand have never been through it. 
I wouldn't wish this on any one but I do understand and I am here if you need . 

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