Anxiety PTSD Insomnia

THOUGHTs that run around in my head :  everything is your fault how could you be so stupid?  your feelings don't matter don't be so selfish you need to be there I need to depend on you it's not all about you you  need to do this family is important why can't you treat me like how you treat your inlaws I'm important to you know what your doing you asked for it I want you to call me  trust me and show me respect what is your problem you need to change your attitude you need to eat i can't believe your my daughter you hurt me  this has got to stop ETC ............................................................................................................................. there is many more but that would take up so much space and room and I don't want to do that but we tell ourselves things like this as we get older cuz we heard it so much and or still do . Then we continue it cuz of the flashbacks and the memories.  we nee...

o ut of all the pain in the world the one heals the easiest is the  physical: it stands the test of time, the bruises and physical scars heal up and go away over time. you can cover them up with make up and bandaids until then, you can take pain meds till you go numb while you are waiting for the physical pain to leave you. yeah it hurts and stings when you touch it but it heals and you cant feel it any more.  MENTAL: well that is in your head what you tell yourself because of other ppl.  The voices that you still hear because you heard it for so long. you don't know how to change, you never look at yourself the same or feel how you used to. You changed and you try to go back , to find when it started so you could change so you can be happy but the mental trap of what you tell yourself never ends . This lasts for years and comes back in many forms mental you never fully heal from. You cope and you work on what you can but you never fully overcome.  EMOTIONAL: we...

Letting your guard down:   so lately my hubby always wants to know why I have my guard up and never let it down.  Well here is why : once you let your guard down , anything can happen and then everything can change bad things can happen and you can spiral into your past, into thee unknown , the whirlwind and trust issues that happen with letting your guard down always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  so because of this I never let my guard down and I haven't for a very long time.  let me explain..... Growing up, I'm the oldest but I grew up with an extremeist and a psychopath. when you go grow up in an enviroment like this it leads to abuse in the home, the pretending that all is ok and many many many experiences and leaves you with a very narrow view, trust is non existent and you just figure out to survive that is all you can do. no one cares and everyone that does know what is going on doesn't know how to help so you get stuck in an endless worldwind...

This post is about the lesson I have learned through some of the choices I have made in my life.  So to understand the current one that has been hard that I have had to go through time and time again is the choice to continue to feel good about myself and not let life get me down. This last few months have been some of the hardest but before I delve into that to understand why we have to delve into my past from my childhood.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I grew up being a strong willed child its just who I am and I have never apologized for it and never will .  so my first experience with life getting me down was when my world changed and I found out who my parents really were and the world was not at all like how I knew it to be. But as kids we are resilent and bounce back so that is what I did. I moved on and I dealt with it then in my pre teens and teens I dealt with it when I was working and rent and bills needed to be...

Triggers:  anxiety, PTSD, Insomnia are all triggered by different things and it is different for everyone.  triggers can be words, songs, food, emotional triggers, physical triggers , situational triggers.  Triggers suck some triggers for me :  * certain words * situations * toxic ppl * some songs * feelings what helps me when I get triggered depends on what triggered me and why. Also something that others do not understand. PPL think that we like being this way. what they don't know is that whatever triggers us, it takes intense courage to face those triggers, deal with the triggers and deal with it every day. Some days are worse than others, and sometimes we just want to be entitled to what others are entitled to. we just want to be ok We want to be told and feel we are loved too despite our triggers and setbacks. but we do not get told that instead we get triggered we get told its in our head. We get told that we need to be there for others. We get told ...

                                     Emotional Break Downs:  What ppl do not realize is that when you have anxiety , depression, PTSD, bipolar or any other mental disorder, its physical too not just emotional or in your head but here is the head part.                                                                                                                MY Story: My first real emotional break down I was little and well I was molested and raped by some one close to me so I learned to hide my feelings because they didn't matter. So no one found out about what happened. I was then later kissed by a 16 y...

Lets Start with my Past:  I was born into an abusive family I dealt with emotional and physical abuse.  I had to make some hard decisions early on My past haunts me constantly I will never forget where I came from I am grateful for where I am at now I have PTSD, anxiety, insomnia and a handful of other things.... I'm very lucky that it wasnt worse than what It could have been. FOR My Present:  I chose a good family ( hubby and kids)  I dont have physical abuse in my life anymore, I still have emotional though I still have to make hard decisions, but its for the goals I want My past haunts me still, but its made me a better and stronger person I always remember where I came from, I get to where I am going thankful for all I have in my life I still have PTSD , INsominia , Full Fledge Anxiety..... Still lucky it wasnt worse, Grateful where I am now How I used my past as a STEPPING STONE for my present circumstances:  When I was litt...